Teacher: Where does God live?
老师：上帝住在哪儿？
Student: I think he lives in our bathroom.
学生：我想他应该住在我家浴室。
Teacher: Why do you say that?
老师：为什么这么说？
Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, God, are you still in there?
学生：因为每天早上我爸爸都猛敲浴室的大门喊：上帝啊，你怎么还在里面？

Teacher: How can you tell a hawk has good eyesight?
老师：你能告诉我为什么鹰的视力很好吗？
Student: Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles.
学生：因为我从没见过哪只鹰戴眼镜。

Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today?
老师：汤姆！约翰！你俩今天为什么迟到！
Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it.
汤姆：老师，我掉了一美元硬币，我在找它。
Teachear: John, what about you?
老师：那么你呢，约翰？
John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
约翰：老师，我不能动啊，因为我把他的硬币藏在脚底下了。

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
老师：你父亲有没有跟你一起做作业？
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
学生：没有，他是独立完成的。

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
老师：西印度群岛都出产些什么？
Student: I don"t know.
学生：我不晓得。
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
老师：怎么会不知道，你每天吃的糖哪儿来的？
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
学生：邻居家借的。

Teacher: This is the fifth time this week that I have had punished you. What do you want to say?
老师：这已经是我本周第五次罚你了。想说点什么？
Student: Thank god Saturday and Sunday are holidays, Sir!
学生：还好礼拜六礼拜天不上课啊老师！

Teacher: Jimmy, your composition on My Dog is exactly the same as your brother"s. Did you copy his?
老师：吉米，你那篇关于我的小狗的文章和你哥哥写的完全一样。你是不是抄你哥的？
Jimmy: No, teacher, it"s the same dog!
吉米：老师，我没有抄袭。那是因为我们写的是同一条狗！

Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn"t you?

Student: Not very much!

*这则就不翻译啦，翻译出来的话说不通。miss既有错过的意思，也有想念的意思。老师问的是你昨天没来学校不是吗？，而学生理解成了你昨天很想念学校不是吗？，因此回答不太想！

Tom: Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
汤姆：好消息，老师说今天无论下雨还是天晴我们都要考试。
John: So what"s great about that?
约翰：那有什么好高兴的？
Tom: It"s snowing outside!
汤姆：因为现在外面在下雪！
*come rain or shine是指不管发生什么情况，相当于我们所说的风雨无阻。而汤姆以为是指下雨和天晴两种情况下需要考试。

Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
老师：为什么你一天里能做错那么多事！
Pupil: I get up early!
学生：谁让我起得早呢！

更多师生精彩笑话：【美图学英语】小孩很冷